Naruto Nanny
by Ardent Bronze
Summary: Naruto become's Sasuke's Nanny. Fun stuff. Yaoi. SasuNaru. Sakura Bashing.
1. The trouble begins

_**Naruto Nanny**_

_Chapter One _

_(Naruto's Point of View)_**  
**Naruto works hard at everything he does; he worked hard to graduating at age sixteen, he worked hard to get and keep his jobs over the years, he even worked hard at making friends despite his obvious lack of social skills when it came down to interacting with people. But for some strange reason, no matter how hard he tried to keep everyhting together, he always managed to mess things up for himself.**  
**It started on a Tuesday, Christ he hated Tuesdays, they were "death warmed up just for me" as he said. Tuesdays were teases, at least Mondays were honest, you knew they were going to suck before they came, hell they have the word "moan" in it if you took the time to rearrange the lettering a bit. But this Tuesday sucked worse and it didn't even have the decency to make it obvious, it left it up to Wednesday to break the news, to say, "Yeah, the bitch screwed you over… again," in a voice that sounded a lot like his friend Shikamaru after waking up from a nap.**  
**You see, Naruto has this boss, Kakashi, who's a total fuck-up, and a pervert, and a genius, a bit of a sadist, but mostly a fuck-up. Who else reads porn in public while wearing an eye patch and a mask that hides the lower half of his face?**  
**Now his boss decided that now would be a good time to start his new promotion for this fancy new eco-friendly line of hair products. A normal manager would make his employees wear a special shirt or a button on their apron, but no. The silver haired bastard has to force him into dying his head purple and green, like a peacock. A freaking flightless bird that struts about doing nothing but boasting to all the other birds about how grand its tail feathers are. Well, guess what? You can't fly, stupid!**  
**Naruto understood that working at beauty supply store had its occupational hazards, like getting hairsprey in his face or being fored to listen to the complexities of Bragelina (BradXAngelina), but this was ridiculous.**  
**The ass starts out the day by arriving late to work, giving Ino and Naruto some lame excuse about a genie and the black pelage before chucking bottles of hair dye at their faces. Giving them instructions to have their hair dyed to be "aesthetically" (sexually) pleasing or not to show up to work at all tomorrow.**  
**Then he turns around and has his nose stuck in his favorite little orange book. That innocent looking little book was actually porn. Porn Naruto's grandfather wrote (and incidentally, one chapter was written by Naruto himself.)**  
****'**Thank goodness he doesn't recognize me on the cover.' Naruto sighed in his head, his grandfather has an awful habit where he would take pictures of Naruto at compromising moment and make those the cover shots for his 'Icha Icha' paradise series. The blonde teenager swears up and down that it had to be altered in some way because there is no way that he looks like when reaching for something in the spice cabinet above the stove.**  
**They appeared to be going fine, not many people came in so he and Ino spent the whole day turning labels out and talking about life, mostly her life because it was just so much more interesting than his own.**  
**At the moment Sakura, Ino's friend was the hot topic of the hour, "Yeah so Sakura imy friend, but she's kinda bitchy but I still do stuff with her because she's good at doing girly stuff, like you but it's diffrent because she is a girl, ya know? **  
****"**So anyway, she has this guy, they aren't dating or married or nothing like that, but they have like three or four kids together. And he's an ass; he's virtually perfect in everyway; handsome, rich, sucessful… but doesn't give a flying fuck about anything but himself, his work, and his kids.**  
****"**She had his first kid at _sixteen _and he didn't even propose to her or nothin'," Ino said, sitting on a stool behind the cash register moving her manicured hand as he talked, "The poor girl's been love sick for this boy since she was eleven. That's fifteen years! Sakura falls and she falls hard. But He doesn't look twice at her.**  
****"**So she came up with this plan, it's a terrible plan, but she's desperate at this point. So everyday she goes out, gets drunk before noon, has sex with as many people as she can, and spends all this money trying to make him jealous and want her bad. But it's not working at all, if anything it's making it worse. He doesn't even sleep with her!"**  
****"**That's probably for the best, Ino. Who knows what nasty thing she's picked up by now?" Naruto said, perched on the counter next to the register.**  
****"**Naruto!" Ino yelled in that 'I-can't-believe-you-just-said-that' voice every girl develops around age fourteen. She turned and looked at him with wide blue eyes, that held a hint of amusement.**  
****"**What? You can't just go tramp around the city and _not_be at a high risk for contracting an STD."**  
****"**She's not a shank."**  
****"**If you walk like a duck and talk like a duck..."**  
****"**She's not a duck either!"**  
****"**Oh my gawd. Ino. It's an expression. I can't believe that you're ten years older than me," He shrieked in exasperation, "She needs to cool her jets. The man obviously doesn't want her. And sleeping around like a pathetic whore is just sad. She's a mom, she's been a mom for quite some time now, she should start acting like it."**  
**Their conversation switched over to how Choji, Ino's fiancé, has been doing and how wonderful their wedding's plans have been coming along. The blonde girl managed to coerce the younger boy into coming to the wedding with the promise of food and cute boys.**  
**Which then lead to Ino harassing the kid about when he was going to find a hottie because she was tired of having his lazy ass bumming around the apartment she and Choji shared every third weekend or so. The boys: Naruto, Shikamaru, Kiba, and Choji pretty much alternated houses to crash and play videogames at for hours on end at.**  
****" **I will get one when I get one. I might just meet someone when I start classes at the college in the fall. He'll be older, and attractive and can buy his own beer instead of bribing some bum to buy it for him like the last guy I tried dating." Naruto huffed, looking annoyed at the memory of watching some idiot try to score cheep beer from a corner store as a 'first date.'**  
****" **Oh yeah… wasn't his name Sid or something…?"**  
****"**Sai."**  
****"**Yeah! Sai! He kept calling you dick-less!" Ino laughed. He blonde ponytail bounced in time with her chuckles.**  
****"**He was a bastard," Naruto groaned, looking at the clock, "Well my shift's done. See ya tomorrow!"**  
****"**See ya, don't for get the dye."**  
****"**Right. Bye!"**  
**The walk home took about an hour, but it was mid June and the days were getting longer, leaving the sun in the skies later and later everyday.**  
**When he got to his crappy "studio" apartment as his building manager called it, which really means it's one room with a bathroom without a door so Naruto has to use a dark green curtain to make it seem like theirs some form of modesty, Naruto dropped his bag at the door and headed to his bathroom so he could jump through Kakashi's damn hoops and color his hair.**  
**His bathroom was a small blue tiled room with a big window up high on the wall behind the white bathtub; the wooden floor had a worn rug in front of the sink and mirror.**  
**Naruto removed his shirt and hung it on a hook attached to the back of the bathroom door before tossing the four boxes of dye on the counter.**  
****"**Let's see, let's see. What do I do?" He asked himself as he tossed up one of the boxes and caught it before scanning one of the back panels for instructions. "Okay, I just need to mix the thingies together- dattebayo!"**  
**Reaching into the cupboards located under the sink he pulled out four stained bowls, a brush that looked a lot like a pastery brush, a comb with a "rattail" which is basically a long piece of plastic at the end that looks like a thin handle, a stained towels, and a head band.**  
****"**First, mix solution A with the paste." He said, taking the tube of dye and squeezing it into a bowl and splashing the clear solution A in and mixing it with a popsicle stick that cam in the box with it. Then he repeated step one with the other three boxes.**  
****"**Next, put dye onto hair for twenty minutes." Naruto said reading the box. "Separate the hair using saloon foil… I think that kitchen foil will work just fine."**  
**When he came back he had the box of tin foil and a dorky look on his face.**  
****"**Time to make you beautiful, Naruto!" He told him self in what could only be discribed as a fabulous gay voice, flexing his muscles in a ridiculous display of his arms and chest, which was funny because despite seeing the slight definition of muscle development, be was still a skinny little thing and watching him parade about like he was a body builder could be seen as nothing less than humorous.**  
**He than started on his hair humming as he used the comb's "rattail" to separate his bangs into tin layers before sliding some tinfoil underneath it and slathering the mix over it, thoroughly painting the blond hair with the pastry brush. He alternated between the four bowls so when he was done he had the silver foil on his bangs, the hair at the base of his neck and some randomly and strategically placed in the middle of his longish hair.**  
**After twenty minutes of letting the dye set he pulled the foil out leaned over the side of his bath so he could wash his hair under the faucet. He quickly toweled off his hair and went to look at the finished product.**  
****"**Fuck." Naruto whispered running his hands through his damp hair. Instead of being green and purple he had a very different and opposite color.**  
**The newly colored parts ranged from bloody red to rusty orange. It's defiantly not what Kakashi had in mind. "I am so screwed…" He mummbled to himself, turning his head this was and that, trying to see his new 'do' at a diffrent angle.**  
****"**Hey... It might not be so bad."**  
**Naruto's voice as desperate, trying to convince himself that he didn't just mess up the best job he's had.**  
****"**I look like a fox, a sexy ass fox. And-and foxes are in Nature and Nature is part of the environment and eco friendly stuff helps the environment. So I'm fine."**  
**Yeah… no.**  
**_(Sasuke's Point of View)_**  
**Sasuke Uchiha works at Sharigan Cooperation as Vice President under his elder brother, Itachi. He basically sat in a glass office from seven in the morning to seven at night everyday sans the weekends, signing paperwork, attending business meetings within the company and meetings with other (vice) presidents of other companies like Bakugan and Rasengan.**  
**At home, his three kids and nephew/son like thing are being taken care of by Tenten who Sasuke hired as a live in nanny due to the fact that he has odd work hours at times and would prefer it if he doesn't have to pick them up from a day care center at midnight.**  
**Normally, when one has a child the mother would help raise the kid as much, if not more than the father; but in this case the mother is a hoe and doesn't, leaving it up to Sasuke to take care of them.**  
**So to say that Sasuke was not pleased when he got home to find that his Nanny was fired this morning over coffee would be an understatement. He was livid.**  
**He walked through the door after depositing his keys in a clay bowl next to the door and loosening his dull blue tie, "I'm home!"**  
****"**Daddy's home!"**  
****"**Dah-Dah!"**  
****"**Uncle Sasuke!"**  
****"**Welcome back Father."**  
**After his daughter, Chidori, and his nephew, Chion, attached themselves to his (expensive) pant legs he looked around noticing the mess for the first time.**  
**Blankets, couch cushions, newspapers, and dishes were scattered around the house. Ikkou was currently trying to change his baby brother's diaper on the coffee table.**  
****"**What happened here? Where's Tenten?"**  
****"**Sakura made her leave because the coffee was bad." Chidori told him with a very serious look on her face.**  
****"**Explain." The command was short and crisp.**  
****"**Miss Tenten made coffee, Sakura was drunk and fired her because Miss Tenten didn't put any vodka in her coffee, over reacted and fired her," His voice was as formal as his father's, "So no one was here to clean up and take care of the baby. I tried… but I'm ten, and a boy, and... I don't even know if this thing is on right." Ikkou admitted in defeat, looking at the white disposable cloth with contempt. Ikki just giggled.**  
****"**Where is she?" He asked, his eyebrows bunched over his cobalt eyes in anger.**  
****"**Room."**  
**He quickly hung his navy suit jacket in the closet and rushed up the carpeted stairs and into Sakura's room.**  
****"**Please tell me you didn't do what I think you did." Sasuke asked in a grave voice, his face had taken an exhausted look.**  
****"**Why, what ever do you mean, darling?" Sakura asked, batting her eyelashes at him in a failed attempt of seduction.**  
****"**Don't. You fired Tenten, didn't you?" He asked, glaring at her, daring her to lie to and tell him that she didn't.**  
****"**I don't see what the problem here, she sucked so I told her to leave." Sakura answered, her voice getting slightly colder. This answer obviously didn't please Sasuke what so ever.**  
****"**Coffee is not a viable reason to fire her, Sakura. Especially when the lack of alcohol is involved in the same context as my children's care."**  
****"**What ever. Just hire a new one." She muttered, pulling a nail file out of the drawer of her vanity table and angrily rubbed the tips of her nails in to a nice smooth curve.**  
****"**I don't think you understand the time and energy it takes to sort through all the women who apply for the job. I have to take the rest of the week off, and I can't, which means I have to do my work here, while trying to play house and you're off doing god knows what."**  
****"**What do you want me to do Sasuke?!" Sakura yelled, slamming the file on the tabletop, making all the little pink glass bottles filled with perfumes and creams clank together.**  
**He glared at the contents of her room, the hot pink mini fridge with a pink microwave on top with a pink coffee maker _on top_of that. Piles of dirty pink clothes in piles on her chairs, in the corner even on the fluffy bedspread that, yes, is pink too.**  
****'**_Disgusting color.' _He sneered in his head.**  
****"**Do… nothing." He turned and walked out of the room, slamming her door slightly.**  
**Pulling out his blackberry he quickly dialed the number two on his speed dial, "Yeah, hi, Hinata…"**  
**He then continued to give his mousy secretary a run down on how his week was going to go while he looked up the phone number of the closest pizza shop that delivers.**  
****All right, people of the Internet, I sucked, so bad. Like, I'm embarrassed to have posted at all. The chapters were incomplete, with choppy paragraphs, bad grammar, and no flow. Right now I just need to slow down and express myself better. So I will.****  
****My updates may vary in time and I may take down a new chapter and re write it if I feel awful about it. School has started up again which means I will be hit with new ideas and bouts of insanity.****  
****All right, thank you for reading this far, Reviewing would be absolutely wondrous.****  
****~Lexxibabe****  
**


	2. The Interview

****

_(__Sasuke's part)_**  
**_7:45 pm: I'll fax you more paperwork, it needs to get done before 12:30._**  
**_**8:00 – 9:00 am: Tele meeting- Hyuga**_**  
**_**9:30 am: Interview- Karin Uzumaki**_**  
**_**10:15 am: Interview- Tayuya**_**  
**_**11:00 am: Tele meeting- Nara**_**  
**_**11:30 am: Interview- Naruto Uzumaki**_**  
**_12:00 pm: Fax finished work to me_**  
**_**2:00 – 3:30 pm: in office meeting- G. no Sabaku**_**  
**_**4:30 pm: Interview- Tayuya Sound**_**  
**_6:00 pm: Check with me_****

Sasuke read his daily agenda, Taking note of the round red writing placed in his schedule by his Secretary, Hinata Hyuga, he is business partners with her elder cousin, Neji and agreed to give her a job as his assistant. He came to find that the mousy woman was actually very good at her job and much more pleasant to be around then some of the other annoying secrataries.

His meeting with the lazy ass Nara lasted ten minutes, leaving with about twenty minutes to calm down before he had an appointment with Miss Uzumaki, hopefully Naruto wasn't anything like her sister/cousin or however they are related. Karin was constantly trying to seduce him, and hung off his arms like a monkey, he knew for sure that he wasn't hiring her.**  
**Sasuke walked into the kitchen, his bare socked feet making a whispering noise on the black tiled floor as he made his way to the sink. Dirty dishes were overflowing on to the counter, crumbs littered the floor and the flies came to eat the leftover food still on the plates, the whole room was starting to smell too. That's another reason he needed a nanny... to clean up his entire house, it was getting really gross.**  
**Thanking whatever god would listen, Sasuke poured some cold coffee into the last clean mug and leaned up against the island behind him and looked out the window directly above the sink, he could see his kids playing in the back yard, Ikkou was sitting on a stone bench reading a book and rocking Ikki in his car seat with his foot, the baby just sat there amusing itself with trying to catch falling petals from the cherry tree above him. His sister and cousin, Chidori and Chion- his little Devilish Duo, were playing a game of tag on the bright green lawn, they were giggling and laughing quietly as not to disturb Ikkou's reading. They all seemed very content. Lovely.**  
**When Chidori noticed her Daddy watching, she stopped running after her best friend and waved with both hands in a way that only little kids can manage.**  
****"**Hi, Daddy," was muffled by the pane of glass in between them, lowering his black mug from his mouth he gave her a little smirk/smile of amusement and a two fingered salute. He relaxed as he watched his baby girl go running after Chion again, he let her catch him after an appropriate amount of time before he started to run after her, making sure to keep a bit away from her. He was a good cousin, Sasuke thought, draining the rest of his mug.**  
**The pleasant sound of their deep, chiming doorbell made Sasuke jerk in surprise, before he padded down the hallway with his bare feet. He tugged on his black shirt a bit to make it lay more naturally against his body. Taking a few moments to breathe so he doesn't seem too eager, he finally opened the red door to reveal this punk ass teenager.**  
**The kid looked like a hoodlum with his tight black jeans and belt with silver pyramid studs, not to mention all of those things in his face! Seriously, his hair is unnaturally colored, his face had metal in it, he's dressed like a punk, and he probably doesn't even know who the band on his shirt is. He's just another wannabe piece of dropout shit.**  
****"**What?" The kid didn't deserve to be talked to in a polite tone of voice, not even his brother got that half the time.**  
****"**Is this the Uchiha residence?" His voice was a lot higher than you'd expect of a boy going through puberty, you'd think it'd be deep and fluctuate often, but no. It was kinda soft, and sweet.. like a girl.**  
****"**Look, I don't want to buy whatever you're selling for school or your band." Sasuke said forcefully, switching to a topic before the first could really come up.**  
****"**Umm... I'm not selling anything, really. I have an appointment for an interview with a Mr. Uchiha at eleven thirty." He rubbed one of his whiskered cheeks, Sasuke wondered if it was a tattoo or scars.**  
****"**No, you must be mistaken, I have an appointment at eleven thirty with a girl named Naruto." The raven told the younger kid, trying to close the door.**  
****"**Wait!" He paused in his actions to look up at the blonde, "My name is Naruto Uzumaki, you're secretary set up the appointment with me."**  
****"**... You're a boy." Sasuke said after a moment of heavy silence. It might not have been the most intelligent comment, but it worked just the same.**  
****"**Yes, I am a boy. And you are a man." There was sarcasm in his voice, Sasuke normally liked sarcasm- just not when it was directed at him.**  
****"**Exactly. Now why would I hire a boy when I could get a nice middle aged woman who knows what she's doing?" The taller smirked, confidence.**  
****"**Why would you be willing to hire a sixteen year old girl if you wanted someone who knows what they're doing?" Naruto shot back.**  
****" **Aren't girls supposed to be born with motherly instinct, or something? They're girls, they're good at it."**  
****"**That is sexist and rude. I'm young, not stupid, and a boy not a drug addicted escaped convict." Naruto glared, putting his hands on his hips that made him look strangely like Tenten when she got mad at him for leaving dirty clothes in the kitchen sink.**  
****"**Please, come in." Sasuke held open the door for the kid to walk through.

**XxxxxxxX**

_(Naruto's bit... kinda)_**  
**Sasuke's office is nice, a big dark wooden desk sat not ten feet from the door, allowing the owner of said desk to look up at any given moment to see who is entering his space. The room was on the smaller side, the walls were painted a nice dark olive green that made it feel cozier- not so cold and stiff. There was no chair for a visitor to sit which lead Naruto to believe that this was _Sasuke's _room, no one came in it, not for long anyway.**  
**In the corner of the room there was a tall floor lamp, it's yellow light bounced off the walls and wrapped the room in a warm glow. There were potted plants in little clusters in the corners.**  
**What immediately drew Naruto's attention was the bookcases that lined the walls, big books in browns, blues, and reds filled the shelves. There were law books, business books, parenting, cooking, fiction, non-fiction, classics, philosophy, history, culture and religion books. On the bottom most level there appeared to be many books for children, the ones with this cardboard pages that seemed to be chewed on the big ones with a hard cover with big bright colored letters and glossy illustrated pages that make squeaking noises when you slide your fingers across them to turn the page.**  
**Sasuke sat in the big leather office chair behind the oak desk, his bare feet made no noise on the plush carpet. Seeing no other place to sit Naruto plopped down onto the corner of his giant desk, the dark haired man said nothing but his eyebrow twitched in irritation as he lifted a manila folder file off the stack of other files sitting on his desk, Sasuke's chicken scratches writing scrawled "NARUTO UZUMAKI" across the front in blue ink.**  
**_'He could have been a doctor with that writing...' _Naruto thought to himself. Bringing his socked feet up on the desk so he could sit criss-cross.**  
"**Naruto Uzumaki. You are a boy." Sasuke started, reading over what appeared to be a very extensive background check on the kid.**  
"**I thought we went over this already. Yes, I am a boy. Yes, I want this job. Yes, I have worked with kids before, I have a clean record and can do the job. I have blood type O negative, so if anything happens." Naruto told the man, a little annoyed that they keep going over this, he knows he's a boy, and is really young. But he's responsible, he can do the work.**  
"**Fine. We'll get back to that. Let's see; employment history..." Sasuke mumbled, reading a list of jobs the kid worked at, he had to pause to flip the page two or three times, "You are very... well rounded."**  
"**Yeah, heh heh heh, I have worked at a lot of places... normally I have four or five jobs at a time, at the most seven, and I started working at a younger age so they tend to drop you before they get the cops called on them because of child labor laws." Naruto explained, "But I got fired for a lot of different reasons... almost as many reasons as I got hired for."**  
**The raven looked interested so Naruto continued.**  
"**When I worked at the flower shop, I got hired because my 'eyes brought out the blue' of the monthly flowers, I got fired because I couldn't remember what any of the plants were called or what they mean. I got hired at the butcher shop for being strong enough to move the meat, but I was too short to put them anywhere. There was this one fancy french restaurant that I got hired at because I knew french and the other applicants didn't, but I thought the food was crap and said so... to the customers."**  
"**You know french?" Sasuke asked, perking up a little bit.**  
"**I know many things." Naruto answered cryptically. **  
"**It says here that you worked at a daycare center for a couple of years before it was put out of business." Sasuke read read to Naruto, deciding to ignore his previous comment and start where the information was relevant. **  
"**yeah, I did. I liked that job, the kids at Mommy's Aid were less demanding than all the other people I worked with." They laughed, Naruto at the fact that children were less pushy that matured adults and Sasuke at the fact that the kid worked at a place called Mommy's Aid. After settling down, Sasuke flipped over the page and started reading his background information. Hinata's red pen wrote in the margins telling him the condensed version.**  
**-**_Orphaned from birth, never adopted. "Lived" with guardian at age eight who was home two to eight weeks a year. So lived alone for eight years._  
_- Mediocre Primary school grades, terrible secondary, but finished high school a couple weeks ago. Had straight A's and had four years of credit in two._  
_-Has night classes this fall at the community college._  
_-Has practically worked a hundred different jobs. Many skills?_  
_- Has a driver's license. Has had it for eight months._  
_- No criminal record. There was record of a child abuse while still in orphanage, poor baby... reason for guardian claiming him?_  
_- Relevant jobs: Day care, restaurants (as cook occasionally), maid service, beauty salon (we both know you and Ikkou have issues with Chidori's hair), laundry service. _  
_- Personally, I like him. Good luck. :) _  
"**What skills can you bring to the table, Dobe?" Sasuke liked him too, not that you could tell from his word choice, he seemed nice enough, not as stern as Tenten, and he did get through the door as a guy, so there's gotta be some reasoning skills (and femininity- he needs a makeshift mother, not an awkward older brother figure). **  
"**I can, cook, clean, do laundry, and I have experience with watching children and raising them, Teme." Naruto told him, giving him a big Smile that stretched his cheeks.**  
**_'__Damn, that sounds perfect,'_ Sasuke sat for a moment trying to figure out his pros and cons list.**  
_Pros_  
**_- High School Grad. Plans for college. That means he's not a complete Dobe. _**  
**_- Experience with Children and housekeeping._**  
**_- Not being a whore and hanging off of me, which is major brownie points. _**  
**- _He seems responsible enough, considering his background, is really impressive._**  
**_- Comes from the other side of the tracks, so he's probably open minded about a lot of things, but is also educated enough to teach my kids not to smoke crack and "tap dem hoes."  
-Even though he's an idiot, I find his company tolerable- no nasty habits that I can see so far, doesn't smell like smoke or booze._

_**Cons**_

_-He's an idiot.  
-He looks like a douche.  
-He's sixteen.  
-He's a boy.  
-He can't keep a job for the life of him.  
-He's from the wrong side of the tracks.  
- He probably has PTSD from his childhood._

_'I guess... besides, if all else fails. He has a nice ass and I can farm him for his blood to sell on the black market.'_

"Here are the keys to the house and the car you'll be using. Pack up everything tonight, and be moved in by tomorrow, I'll show you the ropes then." Sasuke dismissed the kid, leaving him looking startling like a fish with his big blue eyes and his small mouth opening and closing like a fish. He quickly stood and walked out the door, making his way to his apartment to move, he still had a far away look in his eye, like he couldn't quite believe that he got the opportunity.

Obviously the idiot figured that the Interview would be more... intense. But truth be told, the Uchiha didn't want to scare away the only decent candidate for the job. More than likely the other woman wouldn't be better than Naruto.

"Hello? Hinata? Please cancel My appointment with Miss Tayuya Sound, I think I found my Nanny."

**XxxxxxxX**

**There's chapter two, y'all. It's crap, but it'll get better. Please review, my muse doesn't exist right noe so unless I get a smidgen of support this is going to be very slow going lovelies. ****  
****~Lex**


	3. Moving Day

On the ride back to Naruto's apartment he pulled out his phone and started to text Kiba his only friend with a car, who's strong enough to help him move his stuff, and just lazy enough to not have anything better to do. God bless Kiba.

**To: Kiba**

**From: Naruto **

**Sent: 12:02 pm**

dude! i finished my interview w/ uchiha!

**To: Naruto**

**From: Kiba**

**Sent 12:03 pm**

howd it go man

**To: Kiba**

**From: Naruto**

**Sent: 12:03 pm**

i got the job :)

**To: Naruto**

**From: Kiba**

**Sent: 12:04 pm**

omigawd! Howd it go bro

**To: Kiba**

**From: Naruto**

**Sent: 12:04 pm**

i got the job!

**To: Naruto**

**From: Kiba**

**Sent: 12:04 pm **

thats awesome!

what exactly was the job again?

**To: Kiba**

**From: Naruto**

**Sent: 12:07 pm**

hehehe... live-in nanny.

**To: Naruto**

**From: Kiba**

**Sent: 12:07 pm**

HAHAHA! DUDE!

**To: Kiba**

**From: Naruto**

**Sent: 12:08 pm**

yea yea whtevr. help me move.

**To: Naruto**

**From: Kiba**

**Sent: 12:09 pm**

k

**To: Kiba**

**From: Naruto**

**Sent: 12:10 pm**

meet me at my apt in 10. bring moving boxes

**To: Naruto**

**From: Kiba**

**Sent: 12:11 pm**

only if we can order a pizza l8r

Yes. God bless Kiba.

The ride home was interesting to watch the houses go from big fancy houses with shutters and manicured lawns to cute little cottages with green grass and window boxes overflowing with blooming flowers to his crap neighborhood with the rusted mailboxes and black garbage bags covering broken windows with the help of duct tape.

When Naruto parked Sasuke's nice car among his neighbor's moldy pickup trucks from 45 years ago he was slightly worried that one of the hooligans in the area were going to steal it or key nasty words onto it. The blonde could never understand how kids his age could get into so much shit while being so stupid and immature (not that he wasn't in his own way. There's a reason he doesn't own a bike. That reason being he thought it would be a good idea to try ridding it off Kiba's roof. His mamá wasn't to pleased with that one. But Kiba took the fall- not willingly- but he took it).

He barely had his front door closed two minutes before Kiba was banging his door down, much to his crotchety neighbor's displeasure, "Dammit, open the fucking door! It's cold as balls outside!"

"It's April, Kiba, it's not cold- it's like seventy five degrees outside," Naruto called as he went to let him in.

A screeching from next door could be heard along with a banging on their mutual wall that one could assume was the frail woman's cane. "Quiet you miscreant heathens! Some people are trying to sleep!"

"Misses Newman, it's four o' clock in the afternoon. It's not time to be sleeping- nap time's over!"

Naruto said, his voice raised so the elderly woman would be able to hear him through the thin wall.

"Not me, pretty boy, Missy's sleeping!" Missy was one of Mrs Newman's cats. This one particularly hated Naruto, it was an ugly thing, a patchy calico cat who's stomach touched the ground due to the combination of short legs and being extremely fat. And it snorted, it's squashed nose made it sound like it was snuffling constantly. Nasty cat, in Naruto's opinion.

A sharp elbow in the ribs prevented Kiba from saying what ever rude retort the mutt was preparing to yell.

Naruto had Kiba move his refrigerator and kitchen table (card table he spray painted white to make it look less trashy) out to the curb while he went through his closet. He sorted them into three piles: keep, donate, and ask for Kiba's opinion.

All of his jeans, band t-shirts, and v-necks were kept. His jackets and sweatshirts were kept too, but some of his more holey and ill fitting clothes were tossed into the corner where the goodwill clothes. Kiba came in after forty five minutes and pulled out a hand full of shirts that were slightly big on him and had the tendency to fall off his shoulder from the debate and donate pile telling him they looked "adorable" (Naruto scowled at that) and put them into the army greed duffel bag Naruto was packing his wardrobe in. That earned him a small glare as the small blond pulled them back out and pointedly folded them before shoving them back in the bag.

The rest of Naruto's apartment was easier to get sorted out, everything in his kitchen, his linens,and cleaning products were put into boxes and sent to the donation center- Naruto's food was either eaten or given to a group of homeless men down the street that Naruto was familiar with, and his furniture and old mattress ended up next to his fridge.

After four hours cardboard boxes with labels like 'books,' 'pictures,' or 'Benny & Jenny' (his potted plants) written on the sides in his neat cursive.

"Kibbbbbbbba~" Naruto's sing-song voice carried through the empty apartment. "Let's go to your house and eat that pizza you were talking about."

"Mamá won't be too happy 'bout that. She's still pissed about the whole 'let's skip my shift at the clinic and go to the concert at the Shack' stunt we pulled three weeks ago." Kiba worked at his family's small vet clinic, he (and his family) loved it. The whole getting to help people, and the usually flexible work s

schedule, not to mention it's socially acceptable to bring his dog, Akumara, to work with him. He wouldn't want to do anything else, even if he does smell like antiseptic and wet dog for a few hours after his shift.

"But my house is all in boxes or sitting on the sidewalk.. Kibbbbbbbba!" Naruto was a whiner when he could get away with it.

The two bickered for a few minutes, back and forth but in the end Kiba waited in his car while Naruto slipped an envelope with his key under the door of his Apartment Manager's office before driving away with Naruto right behind him. And they did indeed eat pizza and play video games quietly in his room after being growled at by Kiba's annoyed mother.

**XxxxxxX **

The next morning Naruto felt like a cool kid. He was driving a car he assumed was amazing based on what little knowledge he has on the subject, headed to a giant mansion where he would be living with the elite rich and famous Uchiha family, and he had his aviator glasses on that never failed to make him look more interesting than he really was.

So with the music way up and the windows way down he drove, letting the wind blow his red-yellow-orange blonde hair every which way, and singing loudly to the rock music on the radio he went to start a new chapter in his life.

Yes, he felt cool, very cool indeed.

**XxxxxxX **

At 9:22 in the morning, Naruto pulled up in the driveway in between the car Sasuke drove and a new car very much similar but more fancy with silver rims and those spinning hubcaps. It probably belongs to a business partner there for a meeting or maybe he has company over even if it is a bit early for that.

When he rang the doorbell it was answered by someone he didn't recognize but looked like a close relative to Sasuke, he had the same coloring and similar bone structure, but his hair was in a low ponytail and his eyes were the color of wine with deep stress lines under them. His smirk was slightly more malicious too.

"Hello little fox, are you lost?" The mysterious man asked, making Naruto nervously pick at the zipper of his jacket to prevent him from acting on his instincts and bolting for his car.

"...No." Naruto answered, looking cautiously at him, not quite sure what to make of the evil gleam in his eye.

"Then what are you doing, wandering into the lion's den all on you own? Selling girl scout cookies? Do you have any Samoas? They're my favorite- "

"I'm not a girl scout you ass, I'm a guy! Sasuke hired me to be the new nanny yesterday." Naruto was growled at the taller man.

"...And you think being a live in nanny is better?"

_'Well, he certainly has a point there. Fuck.'_

"I recognize you from somewhere... Have we met before?" The man asked, flipping his pony tail over his shoulder.

"I don't think so, unless you buy hair products from Sally's-"

"I do _not _shop at Sally's, do I look like a girl to you?" Naruto decided that it would be in his best interest not to answer that, "Anyway, now that the nanny is here I think it's time to fit you for you new _uniform, _hm?"

The man leered, it was unsettling and a little concerning, "I actually need to find Mr. Uchiha... Do you know if he's available?"

"Mr. Itachi Uchiha at your service; and I am available right now if you so wish it. And anytime afterwords when you wear the maid outfit I'll be ordering you."

"Itachi, leave my nanny alone! I wont have you running him off, I put too much time and effort finding somebody and if he leaves I will kick your ass!" Naruto heard Sasuke yell from a few rooms away, moments later he was strutting into the room drying his hair with a towel that he tossed off to the side.

_'Twenty bucks says I'm going to be the one picking that up...'_

"Sorry about my brother, he's the spawn of Satan," Sasuke said, with an uncomfortably serious look on his face which quickly turned into a somewhat friendly smile, "Alright, Itachi and I will go out to the car and get your stuff and we'll be right back, mkay?"

"No, no no, you don't need to do that. I can manage on my own." The youngest resisted, but the effort was futile and the taller men breezed through the door way and went to the car coming back with all of his boxes in one load which annoyed Naruto, he wasn't weak by any means but he was a bit to short to be able to carry all of those boxes.

"Don't worry, you can carry the duffel bag," Itachi said as he snaked his way back into the house, "Welcome to the family, Blondie."

**XxxxxxxX **

(Approximately 20 minutes and a tour later)

"And that's the house. If there's anything else you need just ask me or Itachi- Oh! By the way there's a change of plans, he's moving in today and we'll just get things situated as we go, alright?" Sasuke said, summing up his tour swiftly.

"Sounds great, I'll just get to work." Naruto said, feeling a bit apprehensive about the prospect of digging his way through the messy house to clean it up.

"Not quiet yet, we need to talk about the people who live here and I need to introduce you to them.

"You know my brother, he wont be here a ton during workdays but hopefully he will be here for dinner a couple times a week, I try to as often as I can but it doesn't always happen that way.

"Then there's Sakura, the 'mother' to my kids," there were air quotes around the word mother, "But she really has nothing to do with them and don't let her boss you around, you work for me as a nanny not her a servant. She's a bitch and a whore who sleeps with everyone and couldn't give a rat's ass about the kids. It's disgusting, and we are _not _married at all, no matter what she tries to tell you. She's a common wife and a surrogate mum for my kids." The man sounded agrivated and that lead to Naruto's decision of not pressing the subject or as he calls it reaction: smile-and-nod.

"Sounds reasonable?"

"Good, lets go meet them," Sasuke said walking down the hall into the kitchen and out the door that leads to the backyard.

"Daddy!"

"Dadadadad,"

"Uncle S'uke!"

"Father?"

A chorus of younger voices carried towards them.

"This is Naruto, he's the new nanny that I was talking about. Naruto, these are my kids."

"Hello, My name is Ikkou, I'm ten. It's a pleasure to meet you." A ten year old boy said who looked like a carbon copy of Itachi.

"I'm Chion, and I'm seven! This is Chidori! We have the same birthday but different daddies. So we're twins- but also cousins- but twins," Chion tried to explain, but got frustrated and started to scrub at his short black hair. The little girl standing next to him waved shyly and tugged at the hem of her white dress.

"Hello," Naruto answered, smiling at them while they smile at him.

"And this one is Ikki, he's about eighteen months now. He doesn't talk much right now but he'll get you to do anything he wants regardless." Sasuke said reaching into the basket in the grass that held the sleeping baby.

In Naruto's opinion, this looked like a lovely family that lived a lovely life in a lovely home and he was excited to live and work here. This could be a very good thing, potentially.

Chion cocked his head to the side, "You look like a girl."

_'Awe hell to the no.'_


	4. Bible Thumpers

Shortly after Naruto was introduced to the kids in the back garden, Itachi went missing for an hour or two. When he popped back up fifteen minutes before Naruto served dinner, he had a black polyester dress bag draped over his arm and a disturbingly smug smile on his face.

Itachi found himself drawn to the kitchen where a lovely spicy smell was coming from. He found the family sitting at the large table (that looked like it had been recently cleaned. Just like the counters next to the stove) doing various activities, such as doing their homework or coloring on colorful construction paper with a new box of crayons that Naruto found in the cupboard.

"Oh, you made it just in time! I wasn't sure you were going to be here for dinner," Naruto sang happily after noticing Itachi standing in the doorway, "Stop lurking in the hall and go put your things down. Everything should be ready in ten minutes, so y'all need to go wash up."

Itachi raised his eyebrows at his brother, this boy sure was perky. All blonde and bouncy, a lot different from the cold attitude you usually got from Tenten. Sasuke smirked back before returning to alternating his attention between reading his newspaper and watching his nanny cook.

The little ones slid off their chairs carefully until their feet touched the ground then bolted out of the room to where their bathroom was to wash their hands. Ikkou followed behind after putting his homework back into his backpack.

"It looks good in here, you can see the counter tops." Itachi told him, looking around curiously.

"Oh my goodness, it's filthy in here, I'll finish cleaning it in the morning. The whole house is a mess, and I swear it'll take me a week to catch up on the laundry. Did you see inside the washing machine? The wet towels were left in there for a week and now they're growing mushrooms and mold. I'm not kidding." Naruto told them as he set the table for five people.

Sasuke noticed that he tended to do that, talk. He talked a lot and often to whom ever would listen about what ever came to mind at the moment. It was kind of endearing, how he tried to fill all of the silences and managed not to be overly irritating.

"Go one, you two need to wash your hands too," Naruto told them, "I'll have dinner on the table by the time you'll get back."

Naruto was told that he was to eat his dinner with the family and had to set an extra place for himself. He ended up sitting across from Sasuke with Ikki sitting at the head of the table in between them and was being fed bites of mashed carrots and applesauce that Naruto made for him, not sure that the chili and corn bread he made for dinner would settle well in the baby's sensitive stomach. Chidori sat on Naruto's other side next to Chion. Ikkou sat between his father and his uncle, a little carbon copy of their straight spines and wonderful table manners.

The dinner conversation was good, it started out bland with the basic questions that got the same basic responses, "Fine," or "It was good," or "Sure. That sounds great." But eventually there was more interesting questions asked than "how was your day? Did you finish your work?"

Ikkou told his little cousin about how the solar system was made up of stardust that got packed together into big balls we call planets, and moons, and stars. The twins responded with questions about what color was the stardust, and if the star that made the dust was sad when it exploded.

Itachi told Naruto about his and his brother's work as the presidents of Uchiha Corp. Where they managed the people who managed the different branches and how they has to do these mountains of paperwork about their companies and the relations with other companies that sometimes do work with them in temporary mergers or publicity campaigns. It all sounded very boring to Naruto but he didn't say that, he just smiled and nodded but got the feeling that he wasn't fooling anyone.

Half way through dinner the doorbell rang, and the family was prepared to ignore it until it rang a second time. Naruto rose out of his chair to answer the door and was almost to the hallway when he heard Sasuke get up with a suffering sigh and follow him to the front door.

When Naruto answered it he was surprised to see Ino standing there supporting a very pink woman who seemed to be passed out drunk on her friend's shoulder. After a moment Naruto recognized her a that girl that Ino liked to complain about at work, Sakura.

"What the hell did she get into this time?" Sasuke said , brushing Naruto back away from the door. He unceremoniously jerked the woman in pink from her not so surprised friend and tossed her over his shoulder with out a care just to drop her over the back of the couch. She bounced dangerously, he hair flew around her face and her limbs were a tangled mess and Naruto was worried that she would fall off and get hurt.

"I-I'm not sure. She just showed up at my door and said we should go to a bar, it was like 4:30 in the afternoon, and it smelled like she already worked her way through the liquor cabinet," She said, looking frazzled with a few strands of hair falling out from her ponytail, "Then she just.. kinda... fell over, almost banged her head on the way down."

"Thanks Ino, for bringing her back. Can't having her terrorize the town when she wakes up." Sasuke told her, Naruto stepped out from behind him to hug the girl.

"It's good to see you," Naruto told her, smiling.

"Oh, it's good to see you too! What are you doing here?"

"I work here now, it's good. My first day, and all. The kids and Sasuke are great, that guy, Itachi, he's a bit strange but I suppose he'll be better after I get to know him better," Sasuke took this opportunity to mutter 'he wont.' but was ignored by the blondes.

"What is you job exactly?" Ino asked, trying to tuck the escaping hair back behind her ears.

"I'm a nanny. I take care of the house, cook meals, watch the kids, pick up dry cleaning. Nothing too awful."

They talked for a few more minutes before Ino announced that she was going to be late for dinner with Choji's parents. They were discussing the catering and flowers. It was a formality because everyone knows that Ino's parents were going to take care of the flowers (they were florists) and Choji's mum and dad owned a restaurant and would be the caterers.

**XxxxxxxX **

In the morning, Naruto was up before the sun at five am, dressed and revving to go. He had a list of things he needed to get done and a small window of time to get everything done by. It was a Saturday, which means that there's no school and daycare so the kids would be home all day, the bread makers probably had to go to the office for a few hours at least, but he wasn't sure yet and he still doesn't know when anyone was waking up, they could sleep until two in the afternoon or they could be up at eight. Naruto has the feeling that it was probably a mixture.

Naruto patted his pockets, checking to make sure he had everything, sunglasses, groceries list, car keys, the credit card Sasuke gave him, the stubs for the dry cleaning, and his cell phone. When he was sure he had everything he went to check on the little ones, Chidori crawled into Chion's bed sometime during the night, but were sleeping deeply at the moment.

When he went to check on the baby he found him sitting up in the crib cooing to himself, when he hear the door open he reached his hands out to be held and smiled, looking like he had no intentions of going back to bed any time soon.

"Alright, listen up, Soldier. We are going on a mission, operation: restock the kitchen if you choose to accept." Ikki giggled in reply and Naruto decided to take that as an affirmative and plucked him up and settled him on his hip.

Naruto made sure to pen a little letter to Sasuke before he left in case he woke up before he got back in time, which he hoped wouldn't happen.

**Sasuke,**

**I got Ikki, went to the store. Be back soon.**

**Got my phone.**

**-Nar**

**XxxxxxxX **

The store at 5:15 in the morning is very cold and quiet, the parking lot is virtually empty except for five or six cars, three in the employee section mind you, and inside the store the workers look tired and bored, waiting for their shifts to be over and they can go home and sleep, and one or two soccer moms doing their shopping, a couple of elderly couples and working people who are used to being up at this time of morning strolling through, comparing the prices of cereal brands.

Ikki and Naruto were having a grand time, running up and down the isles laughing. Their cart was filling up and items on the list were steadily being marked off. They were in the produce section, and Naruto was pretending a squash was his nose, which lead to him "stealing" Ikki's nose and a new round of loud giggles when a tired looking woman stopped next to him. She was short, a bit pudgy and strained looking, but her most noticeable feature was the angry scowl on her face.

"Can I help you, ma'am?" Naruto asked, bagging the squash in a clear plastic bag.

"That's disgusting," She told him.

"What's disgusting?"

"That baby."

"I'm sorry, I don't understand."

"Teen pregnancies are an abomination, they're created from sin. I bet you two weren't even married when you and that little whore hooked up! You two couldn't possibly be out of high school! Unless you're those drop out miscreants."

_"Excuse me?" _

"You threw you lives away and dammed that poor demonic child to hell. No illegitimate child of birth can enter the kingdom. It says so in the bible. It would have been better to just abort it when you had the chance." The woman took on a self righteous face, only fitting for a harassing bible thumper.

"You are sick and wrong on so many levels. First off, that part of the scripture was talking about sick and injured people not being allow to enter a _church _not heaven, because the blood would taint the holy ground of a church or temple.

"And secondly, Ikki's value isn't based off who his parents are or when he was born. He is his own person and will continue to be so for the rest of eternity. So go wave your bible in someone else's face, preferably _after_ you read it."

"That still doesn't make you a fit parent, you'll ruin him more than you already have." She told him, blocking him from walking away.

"On the bright side, he can't turn out any worse than you and your kids. God knows how they'll manage not to be brain washed by your hateful words." Naruto told her.

"No one is a better mother than me, I know what Jesus would want for my babies. Unlike you, someone should call child services on you." She told him, serving only to rile him up.

Naruto had first hand experience with child services, he lived in several neglectful if not abusive foster homes before he fell through the cracks enough to get sent to live with a distant "relative" and ended up living alone when he was eight. He wouldn't wish that kind of life on anyone, with the awkward announcements that he was to live in a new "home" and endure silent dinners and sent to bed to sleep in unfamiliar beds.

"I am qualified to be a parent. You cannot judge me when you don't know me. I'm not some drug dealing drop out. I graduated from high school at sixteen and I have a great job and I take care of four wonderful kids. I can't say the same for you, sweetheart, but I am the best damn Momma for my kids." Without further ado, Naruto brushed past the woman without looking back to finish shopping.

"Momma?" The small baby asked Naruto, who smiled indulgently and cooed back.

"Yes, Momma."

"Momma!"

"Good job sweetie, you're such a smart baby," They finished their shopping trip and all their other errands with a similar dialogue, Ikki shouting "Momma" at Naruto and Naruto congratulating him enthusiastically every time.


End file.
